UGH

(art by http://traitspourtraits.tumblr.com/aboutme)

day 2 of keto, day 1 of shark week. recovering from knee surgery. home with my daughter’s goldfish and teddy grahams and noodles and everything else delicious.

i’m trying to stay motivated but i just want to sabotage myself. i know this is emotional eating; i know this is me feeling sorry for myself and wanting to wallow/make things worse.

i don’t want to comfort myself with food. i can use this blog to motivate myself and stay honest.

it’s weird trying to be both super body-positive and fight fatphobia and also really want to change my body and make healthful choices about food. i want to quiet the guilt-laden narrative around what i eat and why, but i also want to be mindful about my approach. is it possible to support-talk myself out of ordering a domino’s pizza, instead of shame myself out of it?

i know that my body has a sugar dependency and this is my brain releasing chemicals to try and get me to deliver what it thinks i need. i can be thoughtful and deliberate about my choices and operate out of self-love. giving my brain what it’s asking for is not necessarily loving myself, if my brain has been conditioned to send signals for the wrong stimulus.

i am going to go make some scrambled eggs. i don’t necessarily want to eat scrambled eggs, but i’m going to see if that helps quiet the dragon.

BLAH.

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